Watcher Katu: Korff Observation 63529

I your humble Watcher Katu bring to you news that the Living Tribunal's spies have infiltrated the being Kal K. Korff's flop house. A raid to bring the vile creature Kal K. Korff to justice is now being planned by the Living Tribunal's own SAPSTOE. The spies have successfully planted one camera in a bedrom and here you can see the being Kal K. Korff in a compromising position with Martina Tycova.

Watcher Katu: Korff Observation 75692

I your humble Watcher Katu reveal to you from the historic archive of the Watchers one of the many disguises used by the being Kal K. Korff. The being Kal K. Korff is now considered a univesal fugitive from justice. I your Watcher Katu will provide many more images of the being Kal K. Korff in disguise so that you might recognize him and bring this vile being before the Living Tribunal so that the hand of justice can crush the being Kal K. Korff. As you can see, the being Kal K. Korff is a master of disguise.

Watcher Katu: Korff Observation 75136

I your humble Watcher Katu come to you humbled, for I have wronged the being known as Kal K. Korff. The being Kal K. Korff claims to be involved in something he calls the Body Human Project. While many of the claims made by the being Kal K. Korff have to be proved, I reveal here to you for the first time an inside look at the being Kal K. Korff's Body Human Project.

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Watcher Katu: Korff Observation 23567

I your humble Watcher Katu bring to you disturbing news. Now that the being Kal K. Korff is an international fugitive, it seems he might know no bounds. For behold his earth based Internet message forum boards where people freely post pornographic links to websites known as smut. Yet the being Kal K. Korff openly judges others for the use of some bad language. Is the being Kal K. Korff allowing others to post pornographic website links? Is the being Kal K. Korff not afraid that children may find such links? The being Kal K. Korff often speaks of responsibility, truth, and ethics. The being Kal K. Korff should be ashamed to judge others if he has not the ability to maintain order in his own house, as the earth saying goes. I your humble Watcher Katu am thoroughly disgusted.

COMPOSITE ARTIST GIVES UPDATED LOOK AT FUGITIVE KORFF

Be on the look out for the man in the above police composite drawing. Korff was recently seen by witnesses digging in the garbage bin of a McDonald's restaurant near the city center of Prague. Korff is to be considered delusional and extremely hungry. Keep all food indoors and do not allow small pets or children to wander unattended. Do not allow your fingers to come within reach of Korff's mouth if you encounter him.

Korff is described by authorities as a fat little man with a chip the size of a Big Mac on his shoulder and an actual Big Man on his other shoulder. Korff sports a rather large ego accompanied by an even larger imagination and delusional state. Korff likes to play soccer and pretends to be a counter terrorism official, an author with a five-hundred book deal, a ballet instructor, an english teacher, a gnome, and an asshole though this has proved to be true.

Some distinguishing features on Korff are his rather loud mouth, his excessive speech, excessive hair all over his body except for his pubic area, a set of testicles that never dropped, and his ability to make excuses for every mistake he has ever made in his life while taking his insecurities out on others instead of being a man and owning up to his own problems. Korff was last seen sporting some very fashionable finger nail art and was giving a piggy-back ride to a white bald male subject who was yelling, "That's right! Who's your Billy bitch? I'm Semjase's daddy! Say it you pig! Faster you parasite! "

If you sight Korff, you are urged to call the international toll-free number to contact the three major agencies searching for Korff - Beanie Babies International Club, Iron Man and Stark Enterprises, and the One at 1-KAL-SUCKS-IT.

Korff's alleged wild antics were among the many cited reasons for Korff's banishment from the club. In accordance with the club's charter, any member who is voted out must surrender their entire Beanie Babies collection without delay. Upon completion of the vote, Korff barricaded himself inside a tiny apartment in Prague.

The club was then forced to dispatch its ultra secret special operations unit to take Korff into custody and take control of his Beanie Babies collection. An unidentified member of the special ops team said, "We used Beanie Baby Goatee Ram to bust in the door and Korff was no where to be found. How he got out sure as hell beats me."

When asked what was found inside the apartment, the unidentified person stated, "In my years I've seen nothing like it. Vaseline rubbed on the walls, hundreds of boxes of Bazooka Joe chewing gum, an entire collection of Soldiers of Fortune magazine with the eyes and mouths cut out on the covers, a bed of nails, a trampoline, and so much weird *&#%."

When asked about the Beanie Babies collection stored at Korff's residence, the special ops member was visibly shaken and refused to comment only saying, "There will be retribution."

Korff is now considered an international fugitive by the club. The club's president, Alana Hula Bear, said that the organization is currently in talks with the Watcher Katu and Iron Man about pooling resources to consolidate the focus of hunting Korff down.

More as this story continues to develop.